


Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

by emergencyclops



Category: Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: Camerband, Clamerband, Clameron - Freeform, Coalition years, First Time, M/M, Multi, imaginary bill plot device
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 05:57:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11351292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emergencyclops/pseuds/emergencyclops
Summary: What should a Leader of the Opposition do with a Deputy Prime Minister anyway?“When Ed looked up again, he found that Nick was now staring at him, a strange astute look crossing his handsome features, elegant blue eyes gazing. But when their eyes met, Nick looked away again, as if caught contemplating something forbidden."





	Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

**Author's Note:**

> (aka when Clameron and Camerband collided)
> 
> A fic that’s written five years way too late, greatly inspired by hallowgirl’s fic, [“Remember Me, Staring At The Sunset”.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4820717) This story is set somewhere in the early years of the Coalition government. Backstory is basically David gets into separate relationships with Nick and Ed, and eventually, that somehow merges into a threesome. But I always wondered how the Nick/Ed side of things would work out, so I wrote this fic as my own wonky headcannon. A lot of Ed musing and Nick musing, among other things. Hope someone else enjoys this! 
> 
> (Maybe it’ll cheer up anyone else missing the three amigos)  
> (and trying to get over NICK LOSING HIS SEAT)

Ed rapped on the door leading into Cameron’s office in Portcullis House. He was eager to discuss the details of the latest bill that was going through the House, as there were numerous Labour concerns that the Conservatives were refusing to acknowledge—again.  _Typical bloody Tories._ It was certainly  _not_  because Ed really enjoyed arguing with Cameron and receiving his maddening responses, which usually lead to certain heated events inside his office.

The door opened, but the face at the door was definitely not that of Cameron’s. Ed frowned. “Nick?”

“Meeting with our lovely Prime Minister as well, I see?” Nick was wearing an amused smile and opened the door wider to let Ed inside. He shouldn’t have been surprised at Nick being there, but Ed had been expecting a private meeting with Cameron, who was conspicuously missing from his own office at the moment.

“Yeah, I just need to talk to him about the bill again. Has he resorted to physically avoiding answering my questions now?” Ed cautiously stepped into the office and Nick closed the door behind him with a soft click.

It didn’t happen often where he and Nick were alone together in the same space. Their positions didn’t normally lend to the need for Ed and Nick to speak to each other by themselves, especially without any other intermediaries or advisors in the room to aid in negotiating some new agreement or cross-party discussion. As Leader of the Opposition, Ed was well-versed in having to confront the Prime Minister about his policies on a regular basis, both in public and in private settings. But there was no precedent for him to have to deal directly with the Deputy Prime Minister himself—it was the Prime Minister’s job that he was after, after all.

At Ed’s question, Nick only shrugged. “Dave should be here soon, not sure what’s taking him so long.” Nick walked away from the door and took a relaxed seat in one of the empty chairs lying around Cameron’s office. He seemed relatively unconcerned with Cameron’s missing status, taking the moment to stare out the window. The afternoon sun fell on his chestnut hair, giving it an odd halo effect.

After a minute, Ed realized that he was staring at Nick and quickly turned his head away to look at his shoes, scraping his right foot along the carpet to get rid of some invisible dirt. He was still awkwardly standing in the middle of the room and wasn’t sure where to put himself. He eventually elected to just lean against Cameron’s desk instead of sitting completely down, feeling a little restless.

If Cameron had been in his office, Ed would have easily dived into bickering by now, poking fun at Cameron’s inability to give a straight answer to any of his questions, with Cameron giving his usual retorts that deflected the accusing questions away from himself and back at Ed. After these past couple of years of PMQs, it was an easy routine that the two of them slipped into: accusation, clever counterpoint, segue into another complaint, reply with insulting remark,  _Bullingdon bully, backstabbing Brownite_. And eventually, the arguing and the frustrating ripostes would give into mad fumbling and breathless kisses, each desperately trying to shut the other up, trying to tear the clothes off each other as swiftly as possible—Ed quickly closed his eyes and breathed out strongly to clear his head of the deviant thoughts.

Without the political tension and arguing, Ed wasn’t actually quite sure what to do with himself in front of Nick while they waited. Of course, Ed had had conversations with Nick before, but only during party gatherings, formal state events, and when their paths occasionally crossed in the Chamber. Conversation was usually friendly and kept to casual niceties and light-hearted banter, “how’s the family” and “I think Bercow missed his tea today” and so on. Nick had always seemed to be a very agreeable man, pleasant and intellectual, despite being the leader of a party that was enabling the Conservatives—Ed clenched his fingers a little at the new annoying thought, but he understood it was a complicated situation that Nick was probably not that happy about either.

Except for the liaising with Cameron.  _Liaising._  Ed pushed another thought to the side for now.

In addition to his agreeable disposition, however, which Ed was less willing to admit, was that Nick was unusually enigmatic, always preserving an air of pretty-boy charm combined with a natural wit. The man could speak four or five languages, for god’s sake. Talking with Nick was effortless, like slipping in between satin sheets; his voice was smooth with a hint of his smoking days and made you feel completely comfortable in his presence. He could command the attention of a room if needed, and make you feel like you and he were the only two in it.

And sometimes, maybe Ed wished that they were.

And now that wish had been granted, Ed recognized. He regretted not wishing for world peace, or at least a raise in the minimum wage.

When Ed looked up again, he found that Nick was now staring at him, a strange astute look crossing his handsome features, elegant blue eyes gazing. But when their eyes met, Nick looked away again, as if caught contemplating something forbidden.

The oddest part of this whole situation was the fact that they each knew full on about how the other person was  _liaising_  very much with Cameron.

David had made it a point to be open to Ed after the first time he and Ed were together: David timidly asking Ed to come up to his office, apologetic words uncharacteristically tumbling out of him the second the door was closed, “I’m, I’m so sorry, it’s just, it’s just that, um, Nick and I have been…” Through his stuttering, David had been trying to explain to Ed about his existing relationship with Nick, which had been going on since close to the beginning of the coalition. But then, since Ed’s election as Leader of the Opposition, he and Ed had fallen into some strange passionate affair over the dispatch boxes, and neither of them could get enough of each other.

David had been anticipating disaster, imagining Ed walking out on him and never speaking to him again (which would technically be impossible in their profession), but strangely enough, Ed hadn’t been offended at all—he even made a silly quip back at Cameron, inquiring whether Nick and Cameron had exchanged ‘blows’ while making the coalition agreement, which seemed to relieve Cameron enough that he told Ed to shut up and kissed him senseless.

Now squinting at Nick for a bit, Ed wondered if Nick had wanted to say something or if he should say something to break the silence, but decided that looking down at his shoes again was for the best.

Ed always had an inkling that there had to be something between Cameron and his Deputy Prime Minister; their closeness portrayed in the media wasn’t completely fabricated. Since their first press conference in Downing Street garden, Cameron and Nick had been making an effort to appear together now and again to keep up a public display of friendliness and cooperation between their parties. Ed occasionally watched clips of the two together (for the purpose of studying his opponents, he reminded himself) and it didn’t escape his notice how they brushed their arms together while walking, or shared a knowing glance that implied far more than they spoke; those subtle smiles and long looks into each other’s eyes as they gave co-speeches.

Ed supposed they looked kind of good together.  _Maybe slightly more than good_. He speculated about what they were up to behind closed doors, but he couldn’t imagine them being anything like Cameron and himself, as forceful and contentious and prone to wildly fluctuating emotions that confused both of them. And whatever they were up to, at least it didn’t interfere with his own relationship with Cameron.

Ed knew that Cameron had also told Nick about his relationship with Ed, and he had assumed since Nick hadn’t done anything remotely untoward him this whole time, that Nick was all right with the situation as well. In fact, Nick had never even made a single mention of their separate affairs with Cameron. He acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary: no hints of jealousy, no competitive edge, no cold shoulder. They had a nice, purely professional relationship, and when their parties could actually agree on some policies, Nick and Ed even smiled at each other openly. At times, though, Ed did wonder if he saw an odd twinkle in Nick’s eyes whenever he looked his way, but he put it off as Nick’s usual beguiling self.

But here, in Cameron’s office, with just the two of them, Ed found all of his attention focused on Nick. And after looking up once more, Ed definitely noticed the twinkle this time. Nick was looking at him again, and the twinkle was very real and very mysterious and moving towards him as Nick stood up and strode across the room in a manner that seemed almost…sultry.

Maybe Ed was just imagining things. He swallowed nervously.

 

\-----

Nick had been studying Ed since he opened the door. Ed was just a smidge shorter than both himself and David, which allowed him to catch more of the badger patch that had sprung up prominently in his hair, as Ed walked past him into the office.

Since he was let in by Cameron’s office secretary, Nick had been waiting on David to come back from his meeting for almost half an hour now. They were supposed to grab a bite to eat before heading back to his office in Number 10 to...hash out some further details on the upcoming bill. David almost always kept his commitments with Nick, so he wasn’t too worried about him, barring some major disaster that suddenly struck the country which would call his attention away. David was unexpectedly sweet like that, despite his usual proud demeanor.

He didn’t expect Ed to show up this evening as well, and had been a little thrown off by his presence.

Not that Ed’s presence was remotely unpleasant; most would say that Ed Miliband wasn’t winning the award for sexiest man of the year, but with all of his quirks, awkwardness, large honest eyes, and dorky smile, Nick found Ed to actually be rather  _cute_ (indeed, a strange word choice for a political opponent). Innocent and relatively uncorrupted despite all the political infighting of Labour, Ed was still filled with the honest belief that his Labour policies would be better for the country. And a lot of times, Nick felt drawn toward that.

In another universe, Nick could have formed a coalition with Labour and it would have been him sitting next to Ed’s side on the Opposition front bench. And perhaps in this universe, Nick might have found something close with Ed. And maybe they would have been giggling together like school girls at David across the way, shouting his thinly veiled insults at Ed, with David’s precisely gelled hair flicking forward in rebellion every so often, and David eventually smoothing it back into shape. David, with his confident expression that never let on if any of Ed’s jabs had bothered him at all. David, with his wonderful blue eyes and caring, yet strong hands—

In the present, Nick had sat down on a chair and looked out the window, pondering the hypotheticals of this universe that could have nearly happened, engulfed by ideas. Undoubtedly, Nick would still fall into some sort of relationship with David—outside of politics, they got on too well. But with Ed, it was more of an unknown. A really curious question that Nick wanted an answer to. If only Ed had been the Labour leader instead of Brown at the crucial time. Then maybe…

Nick also began wondering to himself why he was thinking these odd thoughts about Ed, the man himself standing right there only a few feet away in David’s office. He looked over at Ed and considered him, as Ed was leaning slightly against David’s desk and looking downward towards the floor.

Ed briefly closed his eyes and exhaled irritably, which Nick assumed was because he was frustrated at David’s sudden fault in punctuality. He pondered whether it was unhealthy for David and Ed to be so annoyed at each other all the time, but Ed’s huffy look certainly wasn’t making him look any less  _cute_  though.

And then Ed unexpectedly brought his head up and their gazes caught for a second. Nick wondered crazily if Ed could actually hear him thinking and then twisted his head away towards the window again.

They were always very civil and polite with each other, compared to David and Ed’s constant arguing and the need to have the last word. They had even commiserated over their disappointment with the Conservatives on a few occasions while enjoying a cuppa at the café in Portcullis. They provided each other with a comfortable company when they happened to be together in public, and neither had suggested to the other that they needed to go any further than that.

Well, they also technically shared a  _boyfriend_  (neither David nor Ed would ever  _ever_  use that word though), so Nick supposed it should be inevitable that the two of them had to talk directly with each other about it, and much more candidly.  _But when? Now?_ They did happen to be alone for once, Nick mused.

At the beginning, David had fretted about the whole thing, seeming so conflicted and pained when he first told Nick about his transgression with Ed. David strongly affirmed that he still loved Nick, that he would always love him. The two of them might have started with a troublesome Con-Lib agreement, but that had blossomed into a wonderful relationship that commanded mutual respect and passionate devotion. Yet at the same time, Ed had become some violent new force that had also whirled its way into his heart, in a very different way.

Nick had kissed David then, and calmly assuaged his fears, telling him that he didn’t mind.

And he really didn’t mind. In fact, the knowledge that David had been in secret engagements with Ed greatly amused him, and Nick had smiled to himself with a weird new kind of fondness in his chest. All their yelling and taunting across the Chamber was really just a public display of their passion for each other. It had been begging for someone to tell them to get a room, and Nick was relieved that they had, in fact, literally done so. Although, regrettably, this did not quell their arguing at all, Nick noted.

But regarding Ed, by himself, as Nick turned his head away from the window back towards the man again, Nick was really questioning his own feelings towards him.

He often found himself watching Ed, specifically during PMQs. Nick already thought PMQs were somewhat of a farce—pre-planned questions and rehearsed answers and point-scoring—it was a show of politics at its worst, from Nick’s point of view. And it was one of the only regular times when Nick actually wanted to give David a real boot to his pretty arse from where he was sitting—David could be so mean when he wanted to be. The only thing that brightened up these depressing weekly performances was the ability to watch Ed and his reactions to David’s vicious replies.

In his spot next to David, Nick could view the opposition quite well during every session. Ed could certainly jab his finger into the air with the best of them. And when Ed spoke, he liked to keep his eyes directed at David and tried to give him scathing glances while he was going on about Conservative failings (but it was tough to be intimidated by  _Ed_ ). He and Ed Balls also made the most entertaining incredulous faces every time David made an accusation about Labour. Nick knew that he could honestly smile and laugh openly about these things.

But it was the smaller actions that Nick held onto more, and these he would forever keep to himself. Ed’s eyes widened brightly whenever he thought he had grasped onto a particularly strong point, one that might dig into David’s thick veneer; he’d lean slightly more into the dispatch box for emphasis. While he was sitting down between questions, Ed absentmindedly ran his thumbs along the edges of his papers, like he was caressing his precious arguments and preparing them to be flung at David. Ed sometimes bit his lip during David’s responses to other MP’s questions, as if stopping himself from jumping up and contesting every answer. And Nick could go on and on.

Nick just thought Ed was…really interesting to watch.

Currently, Ed’s brows were furrowed and his hands were resting together across his lap, thumbs playing with each other instead of paper. He looked deeply occupied, seeming to have cast himself away in a tumultuous sea of thoughts regarding the bill and trying to navigate his way to a new argumentative point. Even while doing nothing, Ed was a really lovely subject to observe—

Nick froze.

Somewhere along the way, he realized that he had become endeared to Ed Miliband.

Nick pondered heavily if he was supposed to be upset with this revelation, but like when he first learned about David and Ed together, Nick weirdly wasn’t bothered again. Ed was just another person that he really liked. And wanted to be closer to.  _Much closer._

Now Ed was watching Nick watch him, large brown eyes peering over at Nick. Brows still a little furrowed and lips slightly parted in bemusement. Ed, Nick reflected, for all of his attempts to out-posture David during PMQs, was really lost when it came to figuring out what other politicians were thinking. Nick already had the harsh reality crash upon himself. How cruel they could really be and uncompromising, self-serving and stuck to their party loyalties. Ed was just too honest and too transparent for this place—acting so virtuous all the time, trying to convince everyone that the Conservatives had it all wrong, that they were the devil incarnate.  _And he had that look on his face right now._

Frustrations about the bill, anger at the mistreatment of the NHS, wanting to fling papers at David’s head, Nick didn’t care why Ed had to come to David’s office today. In that moment, with just the two of them alone together, examining each other, Ed appeared so naive,  _so innocent_ , Nick was overcome with the fierce need to absorb some of that innocence, because David shouldn’t get to have all of it to himself.

Nick stood up from his seat and walked over to Ed.

 

\-----

Ed pulled his back up straighter, while uneasily leaning further into Cameron’s desk. Nick came to a stop about two feet away from the edge of Ed’s feet, hands in his pockets. He tilted his head a tad, looked down, and then back up, putting on a charming smile that still managed to look a little dreary, as if his magnetic charm was constantly being worn down by a disappointing reality. Ed wished he knew where Nick had perfected the “disarmingly sad” look. Something in Ed’s chest felt a little funny.

“This bill’s been a giant pain, hasn’t it?” Nick offered, as an opening line.

Ed raised an eyebrow. “So even the Lib Dems aren’t happy with the bill they helped to construct.”

“No one’s perfectly happy with any bill. It’s all a part of  _compromise_.” Nick sighed while redirecting his gaze at the ceiling.

“Having to compromise with profiteering fools is far from comforting though,” Ed remarked.

Nick let out another sigh. The conversation paused there, both of them now sharing a common bitter silence, wishing that the world had worked a bit differently. Ed glanced at Nick, noting that he was wearing a red tie today, and he smiled a little to himself at this unintentional defiance of Cameron and the Conservatives.

“David has got a pretty good mouth, hasn’t he?” Nick said, flippantly.

Ed almost spluttered. “W-W-What? Yes?” The single random line from Nick threw his mind into a flurry of confusion. He hadn’t even understood the question at first, Ed not believing a statement like that coming so plainly out of Nick’s lips. On the subject of lips…

“Um, y-yes, he’s a fantastic kisser.” Ed was saying the first words that came to mind, and quickly regretted how absurd he sounded, talking about Cameron’s mouth with another politician. Although, it wasn’t just any politician, it was Nick Clegg—the handsome leader of the Lib Dems, who was also entangled with David Cameron, who just so happened to be looking at Ed right now like he was a big fluffy stick of candy floss, ready to eat and dissolve in mouth.

Ed shifted against the desk.

Nick chuckled softly. “Yes…he’s also really good at using that mouth on a few other areas.”

Now Ed had to suddenly cough and he was staring at his shoes again. How was Nick able to seem so natural when talking about Cameron like  _that_?

Nick continued, in a slightly deeper tone. “You know that spot, right below his ear? He really likes it when you suck on it. But he won’t let you do it for long because he doesn’t want any marks to show up.”

Ed felt his face instantly heat up, as he knew exactly what Nick was talking about. ‘ _We can’t let the media get any ideas, okay?’_  David had always reluctantly cautioned during passionate cuddling. Ed nodded dumbly back at Nick.

“He also gets a little mad whenever you muss up his hair, but quite frankly, I think the disheveled look is a lot better on him. Especially when he’s looking  _up_  at you.”

The filthy mental image shot through Ed’s mind, a recent memory, David on his knees and Ed’s hands twisted through his hair. David’s blue eyes looking imploringly at Ed. For a brief moment, David’s face also flickered to Nick’s face…

Ed had little doubt that he was blushing furiously at this point.

Ed thought that Nick’s charming smile was turning more and more suggestive by the second.  _And when did he get this close?_   It looked like Nick had taken a couple of steps forward at some point and was now basically shoe-to-shoe with Ed. He then leaned in so far that Ed could feel his breaths begin to ghost his face.

Locking eyes with him, deep into Ed's personal space, Nick now spoke with a husky overtone, “But his best look...his most gratifying one...his most  _delicious_  one, is probably the one when he’s about to—”

“N-Nick, um, I’ve been doing great with David! How have you two been? You guys also seem to be doing pretty well!”

Ed winced at his words.  _Not exactly the smoothest_. But his brain was struggling very hard between trying to appear normal to Nick and dealing with dirty images of Cameron floating around in his head. Nick’s proximity was also causing his traitorous brain to start running wild with images of him and Nick doing very similar dirty things, the new possibilities unfolding endlessly in his head.

Oh god.  _Oh god._  The thoughts were becoming too enticing.

Nick was  _so very close_  to his face now. Another few inches and they could…

Then Nick suddenly pulled back.

“Sorry, I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot here.” Nick’s voice had abruptly shifted back to his normal, light, friendly tone.

“I think we both really love David, and we don’t want to see him get hurt.” Nick smiled honestly now.

“So there should be no hard feelings between us, and we should endeavor to do what makes Dave happy.”

Nick put out a hand out to Ed, like it was an official agreement, and they should shake on it.

Ed blinked. He faltered against the desk. The tension that had been building in his spine released considerably.

Ed could deal with a simple handshake, that was totally fine. _Totally fine_. He was relieved at least that he and Nick were on the same page about caring deeply for David; this was new territory for both of them, having to consider a third party in the relationship (Ed internally cringed at the pun), and it was good that they were finally talking about it. Perfectly acceptable. Ed nodded and gave a small smile back.

He extended his own hand towards Nick’s.

And he was about to grab it, when Nick suddenly moved past his hand.

Splaying his fingers, Nick rested his hand on the desk beside Ed and leaned towards him again. This time he brought the other hand up to Ed’s chin, two fingers pressing lightly against the bottom, carefully tipping Ed’s head up.

The touch was electric, sparking a previously unknowable desire within Ed. Something started to flare in the pit of his stomach. All of the tension immediately wound back into his spine and he couldn’t move. They were barely a couple of inches apart now, warm breaths mingling between them. Ed’s eyes went impossibly wide as he was looking into Nick’s, guessing what he was about to do.

Nick chose to pause for a moment, pools of darkened blue eyes peering into Ed’s wide brown ones. At this distance, Ed could now see the dilation of Nick’s pupils, blue being absorbed by black. The thought of himself being the cause made Ed feel light-headed. At the same time, the fire in his stomach was now threatening to consume his entire body. Ed felt hot, way too hot in his stuffy suit.

Unspoken words streamed between them,  _should we be doing this? shouldn’t this feel weird? is David going to be upset? someone should stop this, but…_

“You know…I think I’m starting to see what Dave sees…”

Then Nick drew in close, with eyes falling closed. Ed unconsciously met him halfway. Their lips united softly in the middle.

The kiss was chaste, as if just a test to see if either one of them would suddenly flinch away and realize how ridiculous this was.

A second passed. And another. Then Nick made a humming noise and the kiss deepened and Ed felt like he was falling over a cliff.

Nick flicked his tongue at Ed’s lips, running it lightly along his lower one, and Ed parted them to let Nick in, the heat of his mouth now melding with his own. Their tongues slipped against each other and battled inside his mouth—Nick may have been the one to instigate this meeting of hungry lips, but Ed wouldn’t give in so easily. He pressured Nick’s tongue with his own and teased it back, until he had penetrated Nick’s mouth instead. Nick made another pleased hum that sent shivers through Ed.

Meanwhile, Ed’s hands wound their way around Nick’s neck and into his hair. He could feel Nick begin to run his hands up his sides under his jacket, hands smoothing up against the curve of his back. Nick’s fingers slowly slipped down along his spine, tracing each vertebrae along the way. Ed's back finally melted under his touch.

God, Nick’s hair was soft, _really soft_ , exactly as it looked, Ed stroked his fingers through the short strands of hair. His mouth was just as soft, warm and wet, inviting Ed to fall deeper into the heat. Nick was rubbing slow circles into his lower back, the thin material of his shirt the only thing between Nick’s hands and his skin, sending fiery sensations through Ed, lower and lower.

Their bodies now pulled so close to each other, Ed wasn’t even aware that he had started to press himself insistently into Nick’s leg until Nick smiled into their kiss.

They broke apart to take a breath. At some point, Nick’s knee had parted his legs and now Nick was standing with his leg between Ed’s, with Ed still perched on the edge of Cameron’s desk.

Nick shifted his leg a little then and caused Ed to inhale sharply.  _Oh god._  Ed eyed Nick accusingly, which only seemed to encourage Nick and he nudged with his leg again. This time Ed gasped.  _Fuck._  He didn’t realize Nick was this mischievous, good lord.

Grinning, Nick took this as a cue to grab the knot of Ed’s tie and began to undo it, along with the top buttons of his shirt. Nick's fingertips grazed his neck against the edge of his collar and Ed felt himself start breathing even more quickly. He stared hopelessly at Nick, whose smile only seemed to get more devious.

Between short breaths and Nick’s teasing fingers, Ed managed to ask, “What if Cameron comes in and sees us?”

Nick was trailing his fingertips further down.  _Ohgodohgodohgod._  “I’m sure we can make him understand.” Nick winked.

 

\-----

David Cameron was rather haggard-looking and exhausted by the time he got back to his office. He had just finished his fourth long meeting of the day with several other MPs over a few amendments that still needed to be made to the bill, which ran far overtime due to the SNP barging in with bagpipes blaring and demanding a Scottish referendum (that wasn’t actually what happened and that was probably a terribly offensive image, but David believed that’s what it basically boiled down to). Then on his way back, he was stopped by Hague deploring some newer Conservative MPs, Gove complaining about teachers complaining about him, and finally George cackling madly about some prank he played on Hague.

David was fed up with everyone and everything and being alone would be  _fantastic_  right about now. He finally opened his office door with great exasperation and a sigh—and then quickly shut it again.

What.

Is.

_Happening._

David turned the knob of door and carefully eeked it open enough so that he could poke the top of his head around it.

When he peered inside again, his eyes were greeted with the great visual pleasure of Ed Miliband pushed up onto his desk with Nick Clegg’s hand down his open pants, while the two were attempting to suck the air out of each other’s lungs for dear life. Both of their clothes were in great disarray, shirts were flung open, Nick’s tie draped loosely about his neck while Ed’s was nowhere to be seen. No concern was given to the papers launched across his desk and scattered on the floor (David briefly lamented at the organizing that would have to be done later). One of Ed’s hands was threaded through Nick’s hair and the other was tightly clenched into the lapel of Nick’s suit jacket. Nick’s left hand was supporting Ed’s back as the other worked itself between Ed’s legs. The room was filled with the sounds of heavy breathing, Nick exhaling through his nose during kisses and quick gasps spilling from Ed in between.

Right _._ David was supposed to meet with Miliband about the bill to address some Labour complaints (the never-ending stream of them). And he was supposed to eat with Nick today as he promised last week, trying to set aside some time for just the two of them despite the busy events as of late. And here they both were, neither of them acting like the stately MPs they were supposed to be and patiently waiting for their Prime Minister to return to his office.

David had to say, this was certainly the most pleasant surprise he’s ever had in his office, considering that most other surprises involved angry MPs looking for a fight.

He had, before, entertained the idea of having both Nick and Miliband in bed at the same (how could he  _not_ ), but he could never work out exactly how he’d bring the two together in a natural way. He didn’t think Nick and Miliband spoke to each other much outside of Parliamentary sessions. It was a flight of fancy—they were friendly, but he’d never seen them so much as wink at each other. But now,  _oh god_ , here they were and  _Nick’s mouth was making Ed mewl_ —the reality of them actually being together was  _so much better_  than he imagined.

Watching the scene before him, David quickly forgot his earlier pains and started to feel himself stir down below, fingers curling a little in his want to touch Nick and Ed so badly, yet he was unable to move from his spot.

David wasn’t quite sure what to do. He contemplated finally entering the room, but he really didn’t want to disturb the glorious sight before him. In the back of his mind, he was glad that there were a lot fewer people around this late in the building, and no one to notice him awkwardly hovering outside his own office door. Or hear the exquisite sounds of two party leaders engaging in a late afternoon delight.

In fact, the said duo in front of him also seemed to fail to notice his presence, at least, David thought so, until Nick looked up over Ed’s shoulder and caught his eye, Nick’s eyes twinkling playfully.

Nick whispered roughly into Ed’s ear, “I think David’s finally here.”

Ed shivered and continued to breathe heavily, his eyes closed, mind clouded by pleasure—he was barely able to string sensible words together, “Nick, wha…Cameron? Oh,  _Dave_...” Ed moaned at the name, reveling in the thought of David also being there, catching them in this precarious position. He hadn’t yet realized the truth of the matter. David twitched at this.

“Yes, he’s right there, watching us like the terrible little Tory he is.” Nick repositioned his hand slightly during his motions, which drew more gasps and whimpers from Ed. Nick moved in again and their lips crashed together, Nick hastily probing his tongue into Ed’s mouth and Ed pressing back with an equal lack of finesse.

Through Nick’s open shirt, Ed ran his hands down Nick’s exposed chest, seeming to leave trails of heat along the skin that caused Nick to moan wantonly in return. David himself had started to breathe a little faster, his blood pounded in his ears, and his pants felt a bit tighter.  _Why couldn’t he bloody move?_

Ed’s fingers brushed teasingly against Nick’s waistband, dancing along the skin there, but David could tell he was just a little hesitant about going further. Nick made encouraging noises with the barest whisper of ‘ _Please_ ’, until Ed finally slipped his hand inside. He cupped and wrapped his fingers around Nick, experimentally feeling Nick and stroking his fingers, which caused Nick to start making his own gasps. Ed tugged the waistband down further to gain better access, and Nick was all too pleased to oblige with a small wiggle of his hips.

Now Ed and Nick rested their foreheads against each other, both breathing together in a rhythm that was getting increasingly desperate, and was interrupted by the occasional loud whimper and ‘ _oh fuck yes’._

Dave’s mouth felt dry, if only because it had fallen open at some point.

Then Nick breathed into Ed’s ear, “Let’s show Dave what happens when he makes us  _wait_.”

Nick kissed a trail from where he was whispering in Ed’s ear, down his neck, and came to rest at the hollow of Ed’s collarbone, sucking and lapping his tongue along the bared skin there. Ed arched towards Nick, trying to expose more of himself to Nick’s wonderful tongue. Nick’s mouth continued to wander across Ed’s chest, nipping and marking his way along, tasting every inch of new skin, with Ed's body pulled taut in pleasure and his head thrown back, and shakily panting out little moans at every other motion of Nick’s hands. David was provided with the most tantalizing view of the situation: Nick’s hand was quickening, but Ed’s had started to slacken due to being  _extremely distracted_ , so Nick placed his other hand over Ed’s and continued the fast pace.

“Ni-ick, I…”

“It’s okay, sh-shhh…”

They were both  _extremely close_. The arousal was building up to a frenzy—everything was too heated, too heavy,  _too much_ —David unintentionally let out a tiny moan.

…At which Nick’s earlier words seemed to finally catch up in Ed’s muddled brain and Ed sat up suddenly.

“…DAVE! OH, FUCK” Ed yelped, pleasure immediately rippling through him with such intensity that he couldn’t even keep a grasp on his shock of realizing that Cameron was actually there.  His grip on Nick also suddenly tightened and twisted and Nick came with a startled shout. Through the blinding bliss, Nick continued to hold Ed until they finally came back down to Earth. Ed, still shuddering, buried his forehead into Nick’s shoulder and made a poor attempt to hide.

A few breathless moments, and then Nick casually glanced at David again over Ed’s shoulder.

“Hi Dave…Sorry, we’ve been waiting for you for a while and it kind of got…a little out of hand. Or into hand, I suppose.” He gestured vaguely at the mess. Hair flopped onto foreheads, suits and shirts clinging to sweaty bodies, the carpet mildly ruined—David just noticed that Ed’s tie was actually hanging over an office plant. David might have laughed, if he weren’t so turned on at the same time.

“Come on then,” Nick beckoned David inside, motioning with a soiled hand for David to come to them. David was still standing dumbstruck by the door, mouth hanging open, confused and too horny to put his brain back together.

Until Ed lazily panted out into Nick’s shoulder, “Nick…you do realize…that you’ll never get a Tory to listen to you.”

David broke out of his trance and tried to clear his head with a shake. “Well I didn’t expect the Lib-Lab coalition to be forming behind my back in MY office…” He tried to seem offended, but it failed terribly as Nick and Ed started snickering between themselves. 

David smirked at both of his lovers, his heart filling with twice the affection it normally held at once. Well, he could get used to this. Nick and Ed had now caused each other to break out into open laughter.  _Definitely._

David began to loosen his tie, entered his office, and shut the door behind him.


End file.
